It is one of the most compelling books I've read in my life and it throws into question the suitability of monogamy for human beings; arguing from the perspective of evolution, anthropology, history, anatomy and zoology.
I come from a conservative upbringing. 11years of Chinese school where Confucius teachings were drummed into me has made me very conservative about sex but this book has definitely got me to look at our sexual relationships from a different perspective.
Divorce rates have been at an all time high for quite some time now in many developed nations. About a quarter of divorces are caused by infidelity and this has resulted in many broken homes and dysfunctional families. Are we actually just too hung up about fidelity and monogamy?
The book argues that marriage and monogamy were self imposed from the onset of an agricultural society when we started defining ownership. One had to defend ones property because of the animals or crops growing on ones land. The same with marriage where ones spouse belonged solely to the other. This was a drastic change from our hunter gatherer past when most things were communal. The forest where one gathered and hunted for food were shared by all and the same went for sexual partners where men and women shared multiple partners.
This style of polygamy can still be seen in many hunter gatherer and matriarch societies. The Mosuo tribe in China, Warao in Brazil, Kung San in Botswana and Inuits in the north pole just to name a few. Mosuo women are expected to take whoever lovers she wishes. The children she has is raised in her mother's house with the help of her family and the community. In the Mosuo language, the word Awu means both Father and Uncle therefore a man's sister's children are his paternal responsibility. Their society lacks jealousy and possessiveness because there is no such thing as infidelity.
You may say that these are primitive tribes! But I argue that human beings have been around for 2 million years and agriculture for only 10,000 years; that's only 5% of the human race existence. We ignore our past and our innate biology at our own peril. Our biology has not yet had time to evolve and our sexuality still suits a hunter gatherer past.
Lets look at our closest kin the Bonobo ape. We are very similar to them because:
- They walk upright 25% of the time more than any other animal.
- Bonobos copulate throughout their menstrual cycle, lactation and pregnancy.
- Bonobo infants only socialise with other babies after 1.5years, longer than any other animal.
- Bonobo females have front facing vulvas unlike chimps and other primates.
- They gaze into each other's eyes when copulating and kiss deeply.
Above are just a few examples amongst many. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo tells you more about our peace loving and harmonious kin. Not only are they polygamous, they use sex as a peace making tool and females are frequently observed practising genital to genital rubbing. Sex is almost a daily past time, used to ease tension, stimulate sharing of resources, reduce stress and reaffirm friendships.
This blog is getting a bit long, part two in a couple of days!
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