Something a little different this time. Just a story... (names have been changed for obvious reasons)
At a social gathering the other day, I was introduced to Lance and we got talking. Lance was extremely chatty and was soon regaling me with every detail of his life. I found it interesting that he could be so open about his personal life with a person he had just met. I suspected that was how he was with everyone he met and I found him quite refreshing to talk to. We somehow got on to the topic of relationships, so I asked him a question I've always wanted to ask a middle aged gay man.
"I have always wondered why many middle aged men go for much younger men, even though there are plenty of single men of their own age". He paused for a while and started to tell me about George...
"I am in love with someone, and have been in love with him for a long time" said Lance. "His name is George and we first met when I was only a teenager, back when we were in the same school musical production." Lance carried on after a short pause reminiscing, "He used to tease me by poking me with his clarinet, that was how we got friendly. I gradually fell in love with him; even though I was still too young to know it."
"Then we lost contact for many years. For those years I often wondered what could have been.Then out of the blue I bumped into him again at a concert. We quickly got reacquainted again, this time both as out gay men."
I nodded and he ventured on "We got very close, we went on family holidays together. We got to know each other's family very well. I now feel like I belong to his family. George is everything that I had hoped for, a childhood crush that has returned into my life... except that he doesn't view me the way I see him.There is nothing I want more than having George as a partner, however, he only wants me as a friend; a friend with benefits and always on his terms"
"George is obsessed with young Asian men". That completely caught me off guard but I put on my best counselling face and just nodded. "When we go out together, he is always perving at Asian men whenever a young attractive one walks by, I get quite insulted when I catch him doing it. I have often expressed my anger at his behaviour only to be told that my sex life is not his responsibility."
At this point I'm not sure whether to give him a hug for his pain or a good shake to wake him up from this romantic foolishness. I can see how people can be stuck in the romantic hope of eventually having their love returned but logically I can never truly understand it, I suppose I'm just not built that way.
Lance went on further and said, "I even asked George why he keeps me around if he's only interested in young Asian men; in which George intimated that with the Asian men he's met, there is nothing much to connect with after sex. I gather those he'd met had poor English and perhaps the age gap was just too big."
Afterwards, I got thinking... George would be the classic case of someone with Peter Pan syndrome. Like a child with a gluttony for sweets, attracted to a food that is addictive but ultimately never nourishing.
I ask Lance has any of his friends and family made any comments. He said "All our friends including George's closes friends have told me to move on, saying George is just not worth it but still find myself unable to let go." After hearing that, I realised that there is really nothing I can say that Lance would have not heard before. All I could do was to give him my most sympathetic nods as I listened on.
I'm not sure how the conversation ended, I think we just went on to talk about other things. Ah... Unrequited love, it always leaves a bitter sweet taste...
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